I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
