You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
