i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
