Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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