Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
did you just send me my own nude
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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