He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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