Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
