Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
