Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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