Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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