i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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