Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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