Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
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I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
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My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I can't turn off my feet"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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