Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
