Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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