He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
