he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
