Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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