If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Its about making memories worth repressing
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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