I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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