If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
