I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
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I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
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in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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