I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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