Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
