he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
