I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
