I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
