waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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