yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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