and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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