He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
