That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
