i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
