with your own penis?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
