I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
