I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
