we have pet lesbian snakes
wanna go halves on a baby?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
