Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
