Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
