I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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