My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
