I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
