After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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