Kiss
Puke
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
