If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
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