new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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