Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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