So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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