also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
