I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
