I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
