Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
