I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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