And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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