Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
