he puts the penis in happiness.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize