But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
