I accidentally burped into my bong.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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