I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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