New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
