My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
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I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
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Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize