i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
