just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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