the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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