dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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