AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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