The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
