ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
