If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
